


Scars We Carry

by Ladyluckk



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23142205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyluckk/pseuds/Ladyluckk
Summary: Moving on is hard and Nalia does her best to take it day by day, but some days she cannot help but think of him.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan/Solas
Kudos: 15





	Scars We Carry

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Dragon Age.

Day 0

After the defeat of Corypheus, Nalia tries to revel in the songs and laughter that sweeps throughout the throne room, but she can not bring herself to sing and dance with the others; her heart too mournful over her lover's disappearance to truly enjoy herself despite her best efforts.

Instead, she stays back in the shadows and watches her friends drink themselves into a stupor; knowing that they do not have to worry for one night about what comes next. Corypheus was defeated and that is all that matters.

Nalia gives a tight-lipped smile when she turns her head and sees the friendly, familiar face. Dorian smiles in return as he hands her another cup of wine. She is thankful for it as her third cup had run dry awhile ago.

“You know, they really ought to thank you,” he says before taking a deep breath and exhaling. “Because of what you did tonight they finally broke out the good wine.”

Nalia chuckles softly at his attempt of making her feel better. “Well… I can’t take all the credit,” she says honestly. “I did have some help.”

Dorian gives his dear friend a dashing grin in response before his lips slip downwards; into a more serious line. “Are you alright?” he asks, concerned about her lack of enthusiasm compared to the rest of those in Skyhold. He knows deep down she is hurt and confused by Solas’ disappearance, but still hopes that his best friend enjoys this one night for herself.

“No,” Nalia admits quietly, her fingers ghosting the rim of her cup as she looks amongst the crowd. “But I will be.”

Dorian does not seem very satisfied with her answer, but he understands what it’s like to lose someone you love. So, with a sad smile and a nod he leaves her be.

Day 5

Ever since Nalia joined the inquisition, people would talk about her behind her back. They stared and gawked and whispered; some out of fascination, others out of fear.

They did not know who she was, or who she would become.

The whispering only got worse when she became the Inquisitor, no matter how many people grew to love her, they were still all too eager to gossip about the elf with ties to the rift in the sky.

This time though, she can see the pity in their eyes as she passes by. The sad looks upon their faces as Nalia struggles to keep her head held high.

They know things did not end well for the Inquisitor and Solas prior to his departure. That night she came back from Crestwoods waterfall with red eyes and a broken heart. They look at her now as they did then.

And it only upsets her more.

Day 13

Nalia does not fall asleep. She spends most of the evening wiping furiously at tears that escape, trying to keep her sobs as quiet as she possibly can. She does not want the others to hear the pain she feels inside.

It is the first night that it really hits her that he is gone and he’s not coming back. He had left her without warning; he had left her with no goodbye; he had left her with unanswered questions and broken promises.

He had broken her heart many nights before this, the memory of that night still fresh in her mind. But that she could endure for he was still with her after the fall. He was still around to give her counsel when she seeked advice, he was still there to help fight alongside her in long battles that seemed to never end, and he was still just a few feet away when she needed someone to talk to during the nights she could not rest.

But this time she is alone. Truly alone.

Day 27

Nalia is normally a patient elf, but the constant reminders around Skyhold of Solas make her feel on edge.

There are times she feels the need to burn all his favorite books so she wouldn’t be reminded of the nights he would read to her. While other times she catches herself staring at the spot on her balcony where he really kissed her for the first time, longing to feel his arms around her once more.

“Inquisitor,” someone says; pulling the attention of both ladies in the room. Nalia’s head snaps in the direction of the male voice. “Sorry to disturb you, Inquisitor,” the man apologizes before continuing. “But Josephine says she needs to see you right away.”

“Of course,” Nalia nods at him. “Thank you.”

The man bows curtly before disappearing out the door without another word. Nalia turns her attention back to the mural, her eyes scanning the majestic paintings that cover the wall as if she stared long enough she could burn the pictures into her mind.

“I’ve changed my mind,” Nalia says to the woman next to her. The lady hunched over on the ground lifts her head, her hands going still above the glass she brought in. “You may leave,” Nalia commands.

The woman gets up with another word, picking up the jars of paint before making her way out of the room. The door closes softly behind her and Nalia takes a moment to herself to steal one more look at his paintings.

Maybe one day she will have the courage to cover the art and start anew; but today is not that day.

Day 42

Nalia has her good and her bad days; just like anyone else. And today just happens to be a bad day.

A very bad day.

“You need to get out of here, NOW!” Cassandra demands, her nose flaring and her eyes wide. Despite the heavy rain hindering her vision, Nalia can see the rage behind her gaze. “You are going to get yourself killed if you do not listen to me!” Cassandra yells, trying to plead with the Inquisitor.

They are in the middle of siege; both sides taking heavy losses as the Red Keeps numbers are far greater than what their previous reports suggested. It was supposed to be an easy takeover, not a bloodbath.

“I am fine,” Nalia grinds out through gritted teeth, her right hand clutches onto the side of her torso as she cuts through the nearest enemy that is stupid enough to take a swing at her.

“No, you are not,” Cassandra bites back, pulling Nalia’s hand away. Her fingers are sticky and warm despite the cold rain, covered in a dark red that begins to wash away in the downpour. “You’re losing too much blood,” Cassandra insists before blocking the longsword that comes hurling her way. The clash of metal and steel is sharp as it rings in her ears.

Nalia strikes the man from behind, making them both yell out in pain before the man collapses between her and Cassandra; sending mud flying up towards the two women. Nalia doesn’t have a second to catch her breath before she is pulling away from the hand that grabs at her shoulder.

Nalia is ready to strike the perpetrator until she notices the horns and eyepatch behind a smear of blood and dirt. “We’ve got this, boss,” Iron Bull assures her; his voice rough and determined.

Nalia hates leaving her team behind; especially during battles she has no idea what the outcome will be. She would hate herself if one of them were to fall and she were not here to avenge them, but she realizes she isn't going to be able to avenge anyone in her condition.

With a disgruntled growl and clenched jaw, she allows herself to be dragged away by one of the newest recruits to help guide her back to camp safely.

The battle does not continue for much longer, but that night feels like it never ends for Nalia. The thunder is loud as it cracks against the dark sky and the mages hands are cold against her skin as they bind her wounds.

It makes Nalia shiver as she misses the touch of her lover. His hands were always warm and gentle when he healed her injuries. And his words were soft when he’d whisper tenderly across her forehead before kissing it in reassurance that she’d be okay.

Nalia does not get much sleep that night. She tosses and turns, worrying about leaving her friends on the battlefield. It is not until the sun rises and the rain ceases that Cassandra finally visits her in her tent.

The inquisitor closes her eyes as Cassandra gives her the bad news of the substantial amount of casualties. Another bad day, she thinks.

“Did we at least take the keep?” Nalia asks, sitting up fully this time in her makeshift bed. Her side stinging at the sudden movement.

Cassandra’s jaw clenches and unclenches before she looks the inquisitor in the eye. “I’m afraid not.”

Another very bad day indeed.

Day 68

“My scouts were unable to find anything,” Leliana informs the Inquisitor.

Nalia keeps the frown from pulling on her lips, but she does not fully hide her disappointment as she knows there is no point in hiding her feelings from her fellow councilmen at the table.

They all know how badly she wants to find Solas, so they search and search and search; but it seems futile as every report comes back empty handed. The more she looks, the more desperate she becomes for any sign of him to put her mind at ease.

“We will keep looking, Inquisitor,” Cullen promises.

Incapable of giving up, Nalia nods her head respectively at the soldier before leaving the room.

Day 75

Nalia looks down at the broken sphere. The orb split into various sharp fragments that scatter the ground in the dark cave just east of their camp in The Western Approach.

She kneels down, reaching a hand out to pluck one of the bigger pieces from the coarse sand. The chunk of the Elven Artifact feeling cool and rough in her palm.

“My dear, there is no need to get on the ground,” Vivenne tisks from her side. “I can fix the orb for you if you desire.”

Nalia frowns, but otherwise pushes herself off of the arenaceous terrain to stand upright. She stares down at the orb, pondering what to do with it.

“Alright,” she agrees, turning her head to peer at Vivienne. “But don’t bother activating it.”

Vivienne’s head tilts slightly at the request, but does as she’s told; using her magic to pull the pieces pack into its original form before the party leaves it behind.

Day 92

“What?” Dorian asks. “You don’t think he’s cute?” He looks almost flabbergasted with his eyebrows shot upwards into his hairline and his mouth slightly agape.

“I didn’t say that,” Nalia defends, taking a swig of ale from her mug. She tries not to grimace at the foul taste. “I just think I’m done with men at the moment.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Sera pipes in before letting out a heap of laughter. The sound brings a small smile to the inquisitors lips.

They are currently seated around a table in the back of some tavern she forgot the name of in Hinterlands. The drinks, cold and the air, warm. It had been a while since they had been out in these neck of the woods, but Nalia would be lying if she said she isn’t enjoying the long overdue return.

It has been over a year since her last visit, and she welcomes it with open arms. The only thing she could do without were the bears.

“Alright, what did I miss?” Varric asks, coming back to the table with an armful of drinks and peanuts.

“Nalia was just telling us how she’s done with all men,” Dorian informs Varric as he leans back in his chair with a shake of his head.

“Not all men,” Nalia counters. She ignores the noises of disapproval that Sera makes with her mouth. “Elf men, specifically,” she corrects.

Dorian gives her a slight frown as Varric nods his head in sympathy. The dwarf takes the empty seat next to her. “You’re talking about the newest recruit I take it,” he states.

If Nalia is to be honest she doesn't mind the distraction. Talking about how cute some of the new recruits can be fun, but the fact that Dorian had to pick that one. The only male elf that also happens to be a mage. It is too close to home for her to handle at the moment.

“His name is Aelon,” Dorian informs Varric; his voice soft as he sighs dreamily. “And if Nalia does not go after him, then I will.”

Varric chuckles while Nalia and Sera roll their eyes, all of them shaking their heads in amusement at the determined tone of his voice.

“He’s all yours,” Nalia laughs. “Though, I don’t think Bull likes to share.”

Day 114

Nalia wraps her arms around herself for warmth, the air outside is still brisk as the sun hasn’t fully risen. She leans on the stone balcony, trying to revel in the fresh air as she hopes it clears her head.

She stares off into the distant views of mountains. The peaks coated in a thick white of snow and masked in a light fog almost gold as it glows in the sunrise.

“You dream about him,” she hears the sound of Coles voice appear next to her. “Betrayal and shame and hurt.”

She just keeps staring into the distance; saying nothing in return as she knows there is no hiding her true feelings from Cole.

“I can take that away,” she hears him continue you on. “But you don’t want to forget. You want to remember.”

Still she says nothing to the truth behind his words.

“You want to remember,” he repeats.

“Because you still love him.”

Day 130

The liquid burns as it slides down her throat, spreading warmth throughout her chest before settling in her stomach. She cannot remember how many drinks she had, the bartender just keeps them coming even if she has had too many. Whether out of respect for the inquisitor or fear, she does not know, nor care.

All she cares about right now is the false report given to her team of a certain elf sighting to use as a trap. Thankfully her team escaped unscathed, but it still made her blood boil that her desperate search for Solas almost got them severely hurt.

Nalia slams the final drink down onto the table, drawing the attention of a nearby concerned citizen.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” a voice says to her right.

Nalia turns to face the person, her anger fading into confusion as she sees the person coming over to occupy the seat next to her. “Krem?” she questions. “I thought you and the rest of the chargers were to leave on business for Bull?”

Krem shakes his head. “Not until tomorrow.”

“Oh,” is all Nalia is able to reply with before she pushes herself away from the table. Though she does so too fast, causing her to sway backwards.

Thankfully, her companion is far less intoxicated than her and is able to catch her before she falls.

Nalia clutches onto her rescuer, a small giggle escaping her lips at the unfortunate event before she looks upwards at Krem. “Take me to my room?,” Nalia asks, still in his arms.

Krems ears turn as pink at her words until she adds, “It seems I have forgotten how to walk.”

“Oh,” he replies breathlessly, chuckling at her as he helps her stand upright. “Of course, ma’am.”

While they encounter a few missteps and bumps on their way up towards the Inquisitors chambers, they otherwise make it back to her room unscathed.

“Are you going to be alright, ma’am?” Krem asks as he holds open her door for her.

“Nalia,” she corrects as she lets go of his side. “And yes; I will be fine. Thank you.”

“It was no problem,” Krem insists.

Nalia smiles at him. “Goodnight, Krem,” she says before she places a soft kiss on his cheek in gratitude.

This time his entire face flushes along with his ears. “Goodnight-- Nalia.”

Day 146

Nalia releases Leliana from the tight embrace, her trusted advisor's arm lingering as she pulls away. They stand outside the gates of Skyhold, just the two of them as everyone else has already said their goodbyes.

“I would wish for the Maker to guide you, but you know I don’t believe in the Maker,” Nalia teases, a small smile on her lips.

While she teases, it’s the truth. After everything she’s seen and knows, she finds it hard to even have faith in her own gods; especially with what Solas told her at the waterfall.

“You may not believe in the Maker, but he believes in you as you are his chosen,” Leliana retorts. She squeezes Nalias arm softly in reassurance before dropping her hand.

Nalia huffs a laugh, shaking her head. “Even after all you’ve seen you still believe I’m the Makers chosen?”

“How could I not?” Leliana probes. “You have not only stopped the apocalypse once, but twice; the first time being when you went back in time. No person could do such a thing without some guidance from him.”

“And here I just thought it was dumb luck,” Nalia shrugs nonchalantly, but there’s a spark in her eye.

Leliana gives her an amused smile. “Who was to say it wasn’t both?”

Day 159

Nalia leans back into the throne, her hand fiddling with the ring on her middle finger as she contemplates what to do.

She looks down at the woman in chains, her head hanging in shame but her words prideful as she tells the inquisitor why she sold the Quarry to their enemies. While Mistress Poulins intentions were honest, her ways of getting there were not.

Nalia takes her time pondering her options as she remembers her animosity before has led her to hasty decisions.

She frowns as she remembers Solas’ discontent with her choice of what to do with Alexius. Her impulsive need to be tenacious drove her to execute the man without thinking of the repercussions.

Later that day, Solas had made his disapproval clear. And while the altercation upset Nalia, it also taught her a valuable lesson in the ways of looking for greater opportunity beyond the chopping block.

“Mistress Poulin, you will spend all your ill earned money rebuilding the town of Sahrnia,” Nalia says to the woman on her knees. “If the townspeople forgive you, your debt to them is paid.”

“Your worship, I will do my best to repair what I have done,” Mistress Poulin bows.

Nalia gives the woman a swift nod in acknowledgment, satisfied she did not waste the opportunity to have the woman pay her penance.

Day 171

“What, no kiss goodnight?”

Nalia pauses, her hands going rigid as the flaps of her tent fall from her hands. “I beg your pardon?” she asks, turning around to look at Iron Bull who is still seated on the log around the dying fire.

Iron Bull smiles behind the leather jack at his lips. “I heard after a few drinks you kissed one of my Chargers goodnight. Thought I’d give it a go,” he jokes before taking a swig of his ale.

Nalia hides her relief as at first she thought he was referring to the times Solas would kiss her goodnight. Though she does not know why he would know that, as the two of them were discrite in their nature; not ones for public affection.

She clears her throat, returning her attention back to the horned Qunari. “You thought getting me drunk would get a kiss out of me, Bull?” Nalia teases, a smile playing on her lips at his absurd scheme.

Iron Bull shakes his head, wiping his mouth on his arm. “Of course not,” he scoffs jokingly. “I thought maybe some drinks and a few flexes would do the trick.”

Nalia laughs openly at him, enjoying the playful wink he sends her way before it’s her turn to shake her head at him.

“Goodnight, Bull,” she says before she turns around to open her tent.

“Goodnight, Boss.”

Day 189

Nalia does not know where they are or how they got here. Her mind is too clouded by desire to care.

All she can think about is the way her back arches into him as he sucks her bottom lip in between his teeth, licking at her swollen lip. Both their breathing heavy and uneven as he kisses her desperately, almost as if she’d cease to exist once he were to stop.

His hands are all consuming, hungry as they grope at her backside with great eagerness to pull her impossibly close. He leaves no room between them as he holds her taut against his own chest; their heartbeats beating fast in sync. The feeling of his tongue is wet and scorching against her own skin as he leaves her mouth to trail it along her jaw then neck, leaving her wanting lips pouting and red. She gasps as he ravishes her, her nails digging deep into his shoulders as he begins to move downwards.

Her voice is on the brink of a whine as she can barely take the pulse between her legs any longer, she whispers his name longingly, “Solas!”

Suddenly, she feels him go stiff beneath her fingers and before she can form a coherent thought or any words to ask what is wrong, she wakes up.

The pulse between her thighs is still strong and aching, but now her heart squeezes unbearably tight as the feeling of his touch fades into a distant memory.

Day 190

Nalia grunts in frustration as she falls back into the muddled grass, her weapons discarded as she hits the ground hard.

She and Cassandra are outside training. The air is hot and humid, but that did not stop the Inquisitor from asking her friend to spar with her. Cassandra seemed reluctant at first, but she was not one to deny the Inquisitor, not when she looked like she could use some tension relieving.

Cassandra sheaths her sword, reaching a hand outwards towards the Inquisitor from her spot on the ground. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Nalia insists. Her tone is dismissive but she at least accepts the offered hand.

Cassandra helps pull the inquisitor to her feet, keeping a watching eye on Nalia as the inquisitor bends down to grab for her scattered daggers.

Nalia wipes the mud off of her weapons onto her already dirty breeches, but looks over to see Cassandra watching her; her eyes are unreadable but her frown is apparent.

“What?” Nalia asks, knowing something is plaguing her friend's mind.

“Are you sure something is not on your mind?” the warrior asks. “You’re not as focused as you normally are.”

Nalia swallows her sigh as her friend is right; her mind is elsewhere, but it is not something she wishes to speak about. “I’m fine,” Nalia lies, getting into her fighting position.

Cassandra drops the issue, getting into position along with the Inquisitor, but her frown is still there.

Day 223

Nalia stands in front of the mirror, the water sliding off of her toned body and dripping onto the stone floor. She pays no mind to the small puddle that she creates, instead her eyes focus on her reflection in the mirror.

She had just gotten out of her bath and on her way to grab her robe she caught a glimpse of herself in her carved mirror standing in the corner of her chambers.

She can’t make out much, the dull light from the surrounding flickering candles dismal as they barely help her see her own frame. But she can make out the large, lurid scar that marks her otherwise unblemished skin besides a few meager nicks here and there from battle.

Her fingers ghost over the deep disfigurement that covers most of her inner thigh, traversing from besides her inner knee and upwards.

She doesn’t remember much from the day she was cut besides the cold look in the Red Templars eyes as his helmet had been knocked off earlier in battle. After that things became blurry, snippets of time missing and blank as she suffered from severe blood loss; the wound too deep to heal with a simple spell.

Though Solas did try, that was the last thing she truly remembers of that day. He was holding her in his arms, his brows creased and his eyes full of worry as desperate whisperings of an incantation passed his trembling lips.

A loud knock at the door is heard. Nalia’s head snaps in the direction from which it comes from, the noise drawing her attention away. With a soft sigh she casts one more quick glance at the scar before grabbing for her robe.

Day 245

“Again?” Blackwall sighs, placing his cards flat down on the wooden table in defeat. “You elves are all the same.”

“I beg your pardon?” Nalia laughs, clearly not understanding how him losing a card game could bring him to such a conclusion.

They are seated at a small table on the second floor of the quaint little tavern in Skyhold. The two of them playing some card game Nalia has never played before that Blackwall insisted she try.

“The first time Solas ever played Diamondback he took me for everything I had,” Blackwall explains to her as he takes a sip of his ale and it clicks in Nalia’s head what he is referring to.

“Ah,” she nods, thinking back while placing her own remaining cards on the table. “I remember him telling me that you two were well-matched.”

“Well-matched” Blackwall laughs crudely, setting his mug down onto the table. “I lost everything. Had to walk back to my quarters with only a bucky for my bits.”

Nalia laughs at the imagery, imagining Blackwall running across Skyhold to make it back to his chambers while wearing nothing but his dignity.

“At least he was modest enough to keep your image of decorum by not telling me,” Nalia offers with a casual shrug. “He could have decimated you in front of the others like he did with Bull.”

Blackwall raises one thick eyebrow. “He played Diamondback with Iron Bull?”

“Chess, actually,” Nalia corrects.

His other eyebrow raises to join the first. “And you watched?”

“Not exactly,” she says with a shake of her head. She leans back in the uncomfortably stiff chair. “They played the game aloud in our travels in Emprise Du Lion. It was certainly something to witness.”

“Well,” Blackwall starts as he leans forward, picking up the discarded cards. “You can tell me all about it as I break your winning streak with this next game.”

“Oh, feeling lucky are we?” Nalia challenges while sitting upright. “Alright, one more game. It’s your loss, anyways.”

Day 272

Nalia stares at the report, the words smudged from rushed writing in urgency, but still legible. While her heart struggles to comprehend what she is reading, it is undeniable what it discloses.

“What shall you do?” Josphine asks, her clipboard as always in hand as she looks at the Inquisitor with a slight tilt to the head.

“I am not entirely sure,” Nalia answers honestly. She puts the crumpled letter down onto the war table. Her eyes scanning the board as if it magically would provide her with an answer.

Cullen intervenes as he lifts his head to look at the Inquisitor. “With what happened last time we got reports of sightings of him, I think it’s in your best interest to stay here,” he suggests. “Let some of my men go instead.”

“While I agree that I should stay put, I don’t think it’s wise to send your men,” Nalia argues. Cullens men, though vigilant, aren’t exactly discrete and if they are to avoid any more traps, unlike last time, they needed to be more careful.

“I second the Inquisitors notion,” Josphine agrees. “We still have spies at our disposal, and while they are not as good as Leliana’s, they’re still effective and I believe that they would be better suited for this mission. Discretion is our best option if we are to avoid any strifles.”

Cullen doesn’t look pleased with this outcome, but he does nod his head in compliance. “If that is what you wish.”

Day 293

Nalia makes her way down the steps outside the castle of Skyhold, her eyes scanning the surrounding terrain in search of Scout Harding. Luckily enough for her, it doesn’t take her long until she spots the freckled dwarf standing outside the tavern with whom appears to be Dagna.

The two girls giggle at something that goes unbeknownst to the Inquisitor as she walks over to them, their palaver cutting short as they notice her stroll up.

“Inquisitor,” they both nod their head in greeting.

Nalia gives them a tight-lipped smile in return. “I’m sorry to interrupt your chit-chat,” she says, turning to look directly at Lace. “I was just coming to check if you’ve heard anything new.”

Lace’s smile slips as she knows the Inquisitor is referring to the spies they sent to the Exalted Plains. “I’m afraid not,” she informs her.

Nalia takes a deep breath and with a brisk nod she turns to Dagna to distract herself. “I heard you and Sera have become very close as of late, I’m happy for you two.”

Dagna’s eyes grow wide. “Thank you-- “ a cheerful smile spreads across her face. “She’s actually the reason I came to speak with Lace and why I was thinking of talking with you.”

“Me?” Nalia questions, unable to keep the surprise off of her face or out of her voice.

“I’m trying to get her something nice-- but I don’t know what,” the dwarf sighs.

“I wish I could help you,” Nalia frowns, knowing Sera isn’t the easiest person to get a present for. “But whatever it is, don’t let it be raisin cookies.”

The two dwarfs look at the Inquisitor as if she grew another head, but she just shakes her head at them. “Don’t ask.”

Day 317

“You seem to be doing better.”

Nalia lifts her head, the book in her hand forgotten as she raises an eyebrow at Dorian in question.

They’ve just reached Emerald Graves and decided to make camp, enjoying the small downtime as everyone settles in and Nalia has decided to bring her dear friend this time along with her.

“I know how hard things have been for you over the past year,” Dorian continues as he makes his way towards her. The log she sits on sags under his weight as he joins her around the dwindling campfire.

He gives her a soft smile when he settles down. “I am happy to see you seem to be moving on quite well.”

Nalia does not know what to say as she does not feel like his words hold any truth. But she does not have the courage to reveal such, so instead she gives Dorian a smile in response.

She is unsure if he catches the hesitation on her behalf, but as a precaution she decides to change the subject; asking him about his position with Bull as she knows he is to go home to Tevinter for some time soon.

And thankfully for her, the distraction works and Dorian is more than happy to indulge her.

Day 323

Nalia takes in a deep breath before exhaling slowly. She tilts her head as her eyes squint at the statue across from her.

The Dread Wolf's statue sits in the wet grass, the features carved into the weathered stone not as clear as they have eroded away over time. But being a Dalish elf herself, Nalia could distinguish the Fen'Harel statue anywhere.

Nalia wonders what the small sculpture is doing out in the middle of the forest. While there are plenty of large ones nearby, this one is travel sized; it must have been forgotten by a clan, one that uses it to ward against bad spirits like her own; taking it with them wherever they go.

A sad smile threatens to pull at Nalia’s lips as she thinks of the first time she discussed the statue with Solas. Both he and Morrigan bickering over the tales of The Dread Wolf. Nalia made a sly comment on how cute of a couple they’d make; that shut them both up real quick.

While Varric thought it to be a hilarious comment, Solas not so much as he gave her a disapproving frown at the time; which in return only made her smile wider.

Day 365

Nalia stands in the midst of the newly built chantry in Haven; watching the candlelight’s shadow flicker amongst the stone walls. She waits impatiently for one of the sisters to speak with her as she is not one to willingly step foot in a Chantry without good reason. Unfortunately for her, she is here for business.

The irony of the situation taunts her. It has been exactly a year since corypheus was defeated and now she is back where it all started. Where she met him for the first time.

The only saving grace of this adverse visit is that at least she could take pleasure in seeing the town rebuilt. It also didn’t hurt to see the lack of soldiers training outside it’s gates, nor any tents filled with innocents banning together out of necessity.

Now the town finally seems at peace, something that she takes great comfort in.

Day 386

Nalia makes her way down the long, dark corridor. Her mind and eyes preoccupied with the report in her hand given to her by Cullen as she makes her way back towards the throne room.

However, having your eyes glued on a paper is not always a good thing when trying to walk somewhere. She trips over something, or rather someone.

Thankfully the person is fast and grabs her by the arm, saving her from falling on her ass and making a fool of herself.

Blackwall let’s go, rubbing the back of his neck as he looks at her. “I would normally tell you to watch where you were going, but I was the one on the ground…” he trails off as he gets off the floor to stand upright.

“It’s quite alright, it’s partially my fault as well,” Nalia admits before she tilts her head in curiosity.

She goes to open her mouth to question him, but then she catches a glimpse of the items near him. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he is up to and she only shakes her head in amusement.

“I expect this sort of thing from Sera, but you Blackwall?” Nalia jokes. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

Blackwall shrugs. “Well, Sera is the one who talked me into it.”

“Oh, I have no doubt about that…” she laughs as she remembers the time Sera talked her into setting up pranks around the inquisition. She is still slightly upset they never got to finish their pranks, having almost been discovered by Solas at the time.

“We thought this might take Iron Bull's mind off of Dorian’s departure,” Blackwall explains to her.

Nalia nods her head in approval, knowing that he may enjoy the distraction; despite how it comes by. “Whatever it is that you are going to do to Bull--” Nalia says. “I don’t want to know.”

Day 424

“Mine’s bigger,” Sera comments.

“Oh, yeah?” Varric chuckles. “Well length isn’t everything, Buttercup.”

“Mine’s also sturdier.”

“Now that, I doubt.”

“Ugh,” Cassandra sighs exasperatedly as they continue onwards. Sera and Varric have been making jokes comparing their bows all day and the poor Seeker seems to finally have had enough.

Nalia hides her amusement at the three of them, accustomed to this sort of banter, especially when Sera is involved. At least her teasing is innocent this time, considering Nalia had to stop bringing her and Solas or Vivenne together.

Let alone all three...

“What’s with the face?” Sera asks, drawing her attention from her thoughts. “You’re making a weird face!”

Now it’s Nalia’s turn to sigh heavily.

Day 437

Sparks fly off of their steel daggers as they clash together, the two of them at a standoff. But the other elven rogue, besides herself, is quick to seize the opportunity by grabbing his second hidden blade.

He swipes ardently at her, the dagger burrowing deep into her flesh makes her cry out in pain while he spins away triumphantly.

“Na din'an sahlin!” Nalia snarls out in rage. Her face is flush with more than just the hot air; her anger fueling her strength as she dives at him.

“Banal nadas,” the elven rogue taunts, his wicked smile creeping out behind his broken mask as he blocks her move easily.

They continue this dance for time, the both of them going toe to toe before Nalia gets tired of his tricks. She admits her next move isn’t as adroit as she’d like; definitely not as graceful as Solas always praised her for, but it gets the job done.

And soon enough the smile on the assassin’s face fades just like the light in his eyes.

Day 455

The opaque mist that surrounds her spreads throughout the seemingly endless thick of trees. Nalia treads slowly, her feet dragging heavily amongst the wet grass as she continues deeper into the vast forest.

Her eyes scan her surroundings as if in search of something, but she doesn’t know what. She doesn’t know why or how she came to be here, only knowing that something felt off; as if someone is watching her.

An overwhelming sense of someone being behind her causes her to stop abruptly in panic. Without thinking, she swiftly turns around, ready to confront whoever is watching her; but she sees no one. Only a shadow off in the distance in the shape of a wolf stares back at her.

Then she wakes up.

Day 478

“What is this?”

“A book.”

“I can see that,” Cassandra says disapprovingly as she stares at the inquisitor. “Why are you giving it to me?”

Nalia shrugs her shoulders, placing the novel down onto the Seekers wooden table. “I picked it up when I was last in Val Royeaux,” she explains nonchalantly. “It’s a romance story about a dashing young mage who meets a mischievous warrior in need of some help from escaping bandits.”

Cassandra’s eyebrows shoot upwards. “You’ve read it?”

“The back of it,” Nalia admits, a small smile emerging across her face. “I thought it might be something of interest to you, but if you don’t want it--”

“No! I do,” Cassandra clamors, pulling the book off the table to keep the inquisitor from taking it back. “ I am just not used to receiving such gifts… At least not when Varric isn’t involved,” she says before giving the inquisitor a nod in gratitude. “Thank you, Nalia.”

“You’re welcome.”

Day 480

Nalia rummages through her quarters bookshelf in search of something to read. She’s already read most of the books, but after giving Cassandra a new novel she has decided to wait for the Seekers opinion before reading it herself and wanted something else to read in the meantime.

Nalia’s fingers ghost over the titles, her eyes scanning the miniscule selection. She debates going downstairs to search the full extent of the inquisitions library, but when her eyes land on one of the books Solas gave her she decides to pull it out.

In the midst of unshelving the book a piece of paper falls out and she bends down to retrieve it from the floor. Her heart squeezes slightly at the picture sketched onto it, a bit worn with time.

It’s a drawing of Solas who had fallen asleep on her bed the night that she had asked him to keep her company when she couldn’t sleep. She was sure he hadn’t meant to stay as when she woke up before the sun even rose, he was already gone.

But it was enough time for her to quickly sketch him in such a peaceful state.

She folds the picture, placing it back inside the book while debating sketching something new instead of reading. She hadn’t done so in a long time, only a few pieces here and there over her time in the inquisition as she had other pressing matters to attend to.

But it was one of the things she and Solas bonded over as he was an artist himself, the two of them spending a few late nights together as he painted and she drew. The thought of it makes her miss the practice of it.

Feeling somewhat nostalgic, Nalia puts the book back in favor of looking for some chalk and paper in hope of finding some new inspiration.

Day 501

The laugh that slips past Nalia’s lips is loud and sharp. She is gathered around a large table with those remaining in the inquisition playing Wicked Grace. Nalia is a little upset that it’s Varric's last game, as he is to leave for business in Kirkwall tomorrow. But she would be lying if she said she isn’t having a great final game with him and the others.

“You know, Jospehine, I don’t know why we bother looking for honest work to earn money for the inquisition,” Nalia comments. “We should send you to Orlais to play against those over there so you can take the nobles for everything they’ve got.”

Josephine shakes her head in amusement as she chuckles lightly at the comment, “You are too kind, Nalia.”

“I’m being serious, you’re exceptional at this game,” Nalia says.

Vivenne speaks up as she places her cards on the table. “Flattery will not help you win this round, my dear.”

“But it can’t hurt, can it?” Iron Bull pipes in.

Nalia and a few others laugh at his comment before he speaks again. “You know, I’d like to see Solas play,” Iron Bull says. “I think he’d wipe the floor with Jospehine--” he turns to look at the ambassador. “No offence.”

Jospehine only nods her head in understanding while Varric chuckles. “Why do you think I never invited him, tiny?” the dwarf says.

Iron Bull shrugs. “Fair point.”

They continue their game, with Josephine winning once again and it brings a smile to Nalia’s face knowing some things never change.

Day 544

Nalia quickly reads the wrinkled letter in her hand that she received from Josphine.

It’s from her mother who brings her good news from her clan. While her father seems to be successful in his attempts in creating a new potion, she finds the news of her brother and his wife having a baby more enticing.

She knows from previous letters they have been trying for a while and now it’s finally going to happen. The idea of another Lavellan running around brings a warm smile to Nalia’s face, but just as quickly it fades when she continues reading her mother's words.

Her mother teases Nalia, telling her she needs to find a partner soon to give her more grandchildren. While her mother's phrasing is teasing, she knows there is truth hidden behind her message.

Nalia swallows past the lump in her throat as she folds the letter closed. She remembers writing to her mother about Solas. At the time she did not give her much, afraid her mother would demand she meet him even in the middle of the war; or worse, she’d end up in Skyhold after the breakup in search of the elf that broke her daughter's heart.

While Nalia did not write much to her mother about Solas, she did tell her she had met someone. In truth, Nalia was unsure of what to say. She had never been in love with anyone the way she was with Solas; he meant everything to her and yet he rejected the Dalish culture.

Nalia was never one to care about tradition as much as her clan, but they were still her clan and she cared for them. And as certain as she is of her mother liking him, she is just as certain that her father would not. And there was no way her mother would not share everything in her letters with him.

She can only imagine how that meeting between the two would go down if Solas was still with her now. Her father eyeing Solas; distrusting of the man who took his daughters vallaslin away on tales of slavery. While Solas gritted his teeth, trying to remain civil with her father's skepticism of his vast knowledge.

Even now, she knows that neither men would be outright rude to one another in respect to her, but still the idea makes Nalia laugh softly to herself as they’d try to restrain their pridefulness.

Nalia places the paper inside the drawer of her desk, needing to get the letter out of her mind before she loses herself in daydreams of what could’ve been.

Day 561

The rain soaks her, chilling her down to the bone. She ignores the shivering of her aching bones as she and her party tread onwards. She can endure the cold that comes with exploring Storm Coast; she just hopes she does not get sick like the last time she was here.

It wasn’t a terrible cold, she has had worse, but she hates being sick; no matter how miniscule one’s sickness may be. She, at the time, thought she hadn’t shown any signs besides a slight sniffle. But Solas had taken notice.

She carried on without any thought to it, trying to keep her focus on her meeting with the acclaimed warrior, Iron Bull, and his Chargers. But the next day when she stepped out of her tent she felt no rain on her skin despite it falling heavily around her. She had turned her head to find Solas walking over to her.

She told him that though his generosity was thoughtful, that he needn't worry for her. He only smiled kindly in return, telling her that it was no trouble.

“The damp cuts right through your armour, doesn't it?”

Cassandra’s words bring a heavy sigh out of Nalia’s lips. “Unfortunately, yes.”

Day 579

“Does it hurt?” Josephine asks, nodding her head towards the Inquisitor's hand. “The mark?”

Her hand pulses at the mention of it and Nalia looks down at the scar on her palm before rubbing it. The glowing disfigurement grows more discomforting everyday as it begins to spread beyond her hand.

“Nothing I can’t deal with,” Nalia says as she lowers her hand. She knows there isn’t much she can do about it. Solas was the only one who had any knowledge of the anchor and it’s power as he studied it back in Haven, but he was gone and no one else knew anything about it.

Nalia catches the look on Josephine's face and gives her a reassuring smile. “It’s alright,” she says. “I’ll be alright.”

Day 620

Cullen puts down the report a fellow inquisition agent hands him to look at Nalia.

“I’m surprised you don’t seem more upset by this news,” he frowns at her in disapproval.

Nalia shrugs, too tired to be upset, especially with a notion she saw coming a while ago. “The inquisition has been running far longer than our initial goal.”

“But we’ve done so much good,” he argues, clearly not taking the news of the meeting in Orlais well. “Can’t they see that?”

“All they see is the power we hold,” Nalia sighs as she leans back on the stone walls of his office. “No matter how much we do for them, they won’t ever be satisfied; not while we’re still standing,” she says. “We’re lucky to have as much time as we did, they could’ve approached this earlier.”

Cullen shakes his head at her before sighing heavily. “I suppose you’re right.”

Day 663

Nalia makes her way out into the courtyard, just coming back from her spa appointment with Vivenne.

Nalia appreciates her friends' generosity in trying to give her comfort in the small luxury, even at such a terrible time. But her efforts in trying to get Nalia’s mind off of the Inquisition and it’s fate only shifts it to another matter.

It’s officially been two years since the disappearance of Solas and she cannot believe she admitted to Vivenne, of all people, that she still wasn’t quite over it. She hadn’t even admitted it to Blackwall when he asked about him earlier that day.

She blames the relaxing environment and cheese wheels for her slip of the tongue.

Nalia frowns as she wonders if she’ll ever truly get over it. She is unsure if one even can with so many unanswered questions that still lingered within the air around her.

While the thought of it all still hurts, she has to deal with it. He isn’t coming back. While that notion is hard for her to swallow, she just has to remember that everyday is a new step forward and one day she will move on; even if that day is not today.

With that thought, Nalia takes a deep breath and continues onwards; ready for whatever the world has to throw at her next.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for stopping by and reading! Kudos/Comments are appreciated and welcomed!


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